Spook's Dictory Of Nooblish And ExcitingNoobapedia

ExcitingNoobapedia: Like an Urth based book of knowledge, but more interesting, made on the spur of the moment, based on true fact, and only costs 10p. A work that could span several lifetimes to produce, if Spooksprings could expand on his precious nine lives, or maybe if he can get a secretary lady (Apply today). "Faction is my attraction". Much superior to a Wiki, as it contains all the articles that they weren't aloud to put in, because they were TOO true. And knowing stuff is how to get free stuff.

Nooblish: A strange dialect, a mix of English, Stanley Unwin, Gooloogoolo and Topsyturvy teen. Invented by Spooksprings in 1365 at 2pm, on Planet Noob, while staring at his magic truncheon. Even though the words used may have a meaning that might be understood by an Urth dweller, it has a dual, ambiguous, and sometimes secret, sinister or subdefuginal message to those from Planet Noob, which have higher minds than Choob cheaters. For Noobtinians only!

Noob: Often misconstrued as an insult to poor little level 3 newbians to planet Noob, and hijacked by computer experts, to fulfill their empty sense of superiority over the technologically illiterate, the term Noob in this language is used to describe the inhabitants of Planet Noob, although devoid of material wealth, expensive armour and high class computers, they live in deep understanding of their fellows, the strangeness of the universe, and are filled with the universal spirit of humour, which they put to good effect by spontaneous fun events, divine friendliness, compassion and the healing touch of magic. A magick people they be! Don't be fooled by the bronze armour and begging bowl, these are high minded barons of wisdom!

A Noob, and A Noob

Noobs: there is often specialist and violent debate amongst linguiscientologistapharians as to what the plural of Noob might be, or has been reported to become from the future. It has sparked many interNoobtestinal wars, as one side says indie-Noobality is the prefered method of Noobexistance, the other saying the 'Noobs together, 'they're just trouble'. Any of the following terms are valid when discussing 3 or more Noobs (two Noobs together is called a frottage). It seems the linguistic atmosphere of the occassion deems which pluralism you may use.

A Jelly and custard bowl of Noobs. A pint of Noobs. A General's hat on a wooden seahorse of Noobs. A sellotape and string assortment of Noobs. A humungous hilarity of hearty hopping Noobs. A nightly knobage of Noob knights. A neat niggle of ninety nippy Noobs. A big tractor giraffe full of Noobs. An Aardvark's helmet. Pythagoras's Limosene etc. Also: Knoble, Cobble, Kalamity, Prism, Calculus, Dimonism, Crank, Plethera, Thardage, Opposition, Spizgulism, Liprascity, Zilliwooka, Mookie, Ning, Nong, Zong, Dibble, Thribble, Cuspet and Thorst.

Examples: "I have hired a tractor giraffe full of Noobs to plough my sheets." ;"Oo! I've just had a General's hat on a wooden seahorse of Noobs round my house! I feel cleansed and pennyless." ; "A zilliwooka of Noobs surrounded the barking tree of Basingstoke, to show it how barking should be done." ; "A neat niggle of ninety nippy Noobs nipped down to nanobot size to fit through the nullism." The plural of Choobs is said to not be for a lady's ears. Why she would want Choobs on her ears is not my guess.

Noobactrobatics: The plexible, flexibility of Noobs brings jealousy to Octopooses by the nature of their rubbery muscularious displays of spontaneous Noobactrobatics, usually in large gatherings of other races. Examples are forming a large tower to reach the top of a mountain, temporary bridges over rivers for stranded Noobliphants, human Ferris wheels, daisy chains and man powered trucks. The Noob Tower of the Temple of the Noob Olympic Headquarters is made of a permanent, swaying, singing, armbraced verticosity of Noobactrobats. Which makes office work a bit noisy but fun.

The Noob Tower of the Temple of the Noob Olympic Headquarters

Noobador: A massive pre-plumed Lion-eagle-owl-fish with the head of Noob. Raised in an eerie eyrie of a Kaiser's eye in the year of the eagle to generally spook passers by from trying to steal from his nest of nougar. This half flying man has the power of emerald laser cabbage, and is used by the Noobsquad to rescue Noobs in distress, dissdress or dissepiment, and sometimes frighten away seagulls when they are enjoying a Noob lolly. Greatly feared by all, including the Emperor who has only subtle influence on it's egg laying activities.

Noobacco: Widely reported by the multi-million pound empire of the Stop Noobs from Smoking Society, Nobacco is in fact an invigorating self administered stat booster, as it contains 200% the RDD of starch, due to it's prime ingredient being potatoes. These Spud smokes have saved many a life of a Noob in angst, as it can also be used as an incendary grenade. The main effects are clinically proven to timpulate the glands of the psychomotormoral levages in Pinks's passage and provide a nutritious meal. Can also cause the effect in social situations of recalcigent retreating radius, usefull for when surrounded by too many flying fleas and those allergic to starch (starchphobic). Recommended to anyone living South of Southness. "I like smoking Noobacco potatoes because they taste of chips!"

Noob Angel: We all have Noob guardian angels that permanently drives around in bomber planes, bringing destruction and carnage to unwrothy members of Planet Choob for picking on Noobs. They'll do anything for you, provided you make a donation to the Disabled Ghost Society, Spooks Noob Urchin Benevolency Fund or the Noob Air Rescue Service. Has wings, but are in no way birds, float above your heads, and advise you as to your pathways and halfways. "Noob Angels are pretty and they help me with my homwork and give me free Noob Juice!"

Noob Animals: Most animals are considered Noobie, but some have the spirit of Noob in them (on planet Urth dolphins, chimpanzees, dogs, cats, hamsters, cows, pigeons you get the picture). On Planet Noob, the Phuntaboons, Minkies, Blambiegoons, Loons, Frottages, Quorks etc. When they can be persuaded to don full bronze armour, specially made to fit, they will accompany the Noobsquad loyally into battle or whatever humanitarian activities they care to meddle with.

Noobadilidacious: You're so cute and cuddly my little Noob friend!
Noobadude: We might be Noobs but we are cool!
NoobacalafragalisticNoobiedilidoshus: You're too good for words!
Noobaholic: your addicted to us!
Noobalations: Well done, congratulations, very Noobish!
Noobalistic: When Noob Squad gangs up on a pker, there is no escape!
Noobascious: Done in the manner of a Noob, childlike and innocent,
but deadly underneath!
Nooball: The process of implmenting the Noobphilosiphy of Noobism on the Noobiverse. "Sir, the Noobiverse is at peril from the confederate fiscal power of sugar laced breakfast cerals!" ; "Hmm, ok, implement operation Nooball seargent, Nooball 'em all!". Not to be confused with Noob Ball.

Noob-ball / Noob Ball: The only sport on Planet Noob involving some kind of spherical rubber based bouncing objects, other than Tato-Tats. Object: to not score any goals against anyone. There is no pitch or playing field or designated goals, and no teams. 26 types of ball are dropped from a great height into the assembled one sided team of Noobs (numbered from 3 to a million) and the object is to avoid them on pain of Noobie-torture. The balls are cybortic in nature and can follow Noobs around, but ironically, easily controlled with teleNoobpathic powers that Noobs seem to lapse on during the game, due the physical activity of having to run away from the balls. The entire team wins when all the ball's batteries wear out, which could result in a match of between 9 and 10 Nooblongs, according to the recharging power of the local Nooblecticity station the previous night. Not to be confused with Nooball.

The Noobs' Balls Drop

Noobaltruism: Putting up with the most DISGRACEFULL behaviour of Choobs in the workplace in a detatched and understanding manner, whether it is naughty name calling, swaring, booting, pinching their dinner money, walking about in the nood on their lawns, or invading their planet with Noobecluar disruptors, the Noobs always react with a sense of humour in a light mannered passive-aggressive stance. Not harbouring grudges, bitterness or aggressive reactions, but returning the misrepresented missapropriative mechanteness with a helping hand and philanthro-sophical feelings, always helps them win through the situation, and have the Choobs humbled and at their beck and call of Noobeternity.

Noobart: Not art as we know it. Most galleries are bordering on the borders of boredome. Thus, Noobart ais always fantastic, colourfull, tangentical and full of token sillyisms. it's not the time spent doodling, or the accuracy which is important, it's how you colour between the lines that counts.

Noobasic (+0+): Computer program langwige used by the Noobputer it is very easy to use even a baby can use. You just type in what things you want to happen, like:

1 make a man with fourarms and lazor eyes who floats please
2 make a monster big green and hairy and smells of cheese
3 make a lazor beam which is red and makes a cool noize
3 let 1 shoot 2 with 3
4 when 1 shoots 2 with 3 make a big explosion noise and give me a prize
5 goto 1 but like don't make my man re appear and make the monster bigger please
6 cheers mato potato

Remember to say please and thankyou or you will get a

Syntax Rudeness Error

and it will send a telegram to your mater saying Noobie so-and-so is being rude to me, and you will get cardboard boxeted for the night. It is very good for knitting programs or making pricless art when you connect to a loom or an ezel.

Noob Caste System Of Hierarchicalness: Although Noobs operate an individualistic common sense of democratic equality, they still feel the primal instinct to be part of a dominatory hierarchical system of dictatorship. For they know without a strong forcefull psycopathic majesty at their helm, they would all sink into a marrass of doodiddlehimphonkness. This unique system operates only on Planet Noob by having the Grand Royal Noobtastic Emperor work part time in the lowest of all Noobipations, as a Noobie Pooper Scooper, so they may vocally demonstrate their inherent repressed scorn upon the King resulting from their bitter feelings of inferiority and jealousy at not being chosen to be top of the food chain.

Noobcheat: These do not exist.
Noobchopter: The Nooble transport that Noobs use to travel the landscape of Planet Noob, a bronze and wooden whirling flying machine, made from old shield and swords.
Noobcloud: Floating on clouds, and dreaming of floating on clouds is a goal that is achieved by a Noob by driving his Noob Mobile through Noob Hell to the Noob Castle in the skies. An epherpheasent tightly knitted molecular combination of sweet smelling gases with highly uncontrollable steering gearage, that floats at 2 million miles an hour on a bed of mecuric gas.

Noob-date: Not a date with a Noob, this is descriptive of the way in which your computer has to update new versions of a program every hour, due to the way in which technolagicians get a good idea in their head and get obsessed by it because the smell of microchips is very addictive. A bit like Spooksprings, except smelling shoes turns him on, or off. Noobs laugh at these robotic attempts to tweak the screws tighter on something which you should have made perfect in the first place. Which is why Noobs only make a version 1.0 (or 0.24 see Noobscape) of a computy game or a butty sandwich, that always works, is simple to use and has NO GLITCHES, but well, maybe some bad links.

Noob Demon-Angel: When a Noobie demon in Noob Hell is spotted, it is raised up to the surface of Planet Noob using a simple secret fishing lure. It's awesome powers are then combined with a Noob Angel to provide a hybrid highly contagious method of maddness that brings tears of smiles round everyones lower cheeks. Noob Demon-Angels will take you round the shops and stop you from buying dangerous chocolate for example.
Noobdizzease: Only included here to confirm that Noobs never suffer any sickness, illness, disease or inocuous feelings of inferiority (apart from Noobgly days and the NoobLardOut festival), and are always champion's of Olympic tip top shop condition, not akin to a purring porsche.
Noob~Doll:These special Noob Dolls, inflated with Ogre Swamp Gas, are available to keep Noobs company, and never leave their side. They will hold your hand, and say silly things, so you wont be frightened in the High Wildy. Some said they are good for Noobie Nookie, but unproven by the author.

Noobdongalongadingdong: A game invented by Nooblets to relieve stress during Noob Examination Time. A knoble of Nooblets gather in their thousands, and pick the most beautifull, most delightfully scented, most golden, or maybe most big nosed or deformed Nooblet among them, and place him in the middle of the mass crowd. He is then Noobdongalongadingdonged between members of the group, until every Nooblet has Noobdongalongadingdonged him/her at least twice. "Noobdongalongadingdong me again! It makes me feel scumpleumpadcious!", Nooblet265 to his Noob piers, dressed in the designated sponge feathers of the Farktwick bird.

Noob Dragon: A rainbow vomiting beast with learning difficulties of the upper trotosphere of Planet Noob, able to issue magick grants. Made of bronze and held together with Noob tax. A tamed and Noob bred beast. No wild examples exist. Thought to have developed Noobie tendencies following the Great Noobecular Post Eclipse Enghlitenment of Year No. Likes going to the pet shop and also on the swings. Prone to let off rainbow vomit without warning if eaten too many cabbages. Can also produce flames if charged with electrospagnetic Noob Juice. "Oh! look, a Noob Dragon, it's like Lassie with wings."

Noob Dragon Rainbow Puke Flames

Noobdrool: Noob drooling in anticipation of our brave kamikaze adventures,
and the treasures we might find!
Noobeating: NOT eating Noobs! This is what happens when we gang up on a pker choob and kick the rune armour from his back!!
Noobed-out: Noobed to death!.
Nooberama: We take pride in making a drama out of a crisis.
Noobfannytastic: Since Noobs and fannies are really gorgeous things, this word brings twice the brilliance to whatever you describe, when you utter it! "Wow, that Choob King, he's Noobfannytastic!" , says Noob Knight, emerging from Ardougne Castle with 1k of Blood Runes.
Noobfruit: A derogerative/complementary term used to describe an elderly Noob/Choob, who, from several centuries of practicing in the High Magick Arts becomes skitish and a little fruity. Noted for their habits of consuming fruits, admiring fruits, and fruitication. Gone to seed, fruited, on a one way trip to the greencrocers. Praised and admired or scorned by the local Noobpopulace.
Noobgofloppy: A Noob who has gone floppy. "Te he! I like it when you ticklerise me Mister Noob! Noobgofloppy!"

Noob Glue: On the infrequent occassions when a Noob Mobile breaks down, or maybe even his bronze pants fall down, the first thing a Noob reaches for is his Noob Glue. This could range from a wad of sellotape, string, blue tack, meat paste, viscous jam, juice from a passing Jellyhamster, or a combination of those. The strongest glue in the world. "We have reports of a hole in Noobozone layer of the trotosphere, Urth is doomed!" ; "Have you tried patching it with some carboard and Noob Glue?", Professor Noobdini to the Urth Hole In The Sky Watch Organisation, c. 1970.

Noobgly: Noobs are known to be the brightest, most kind, dilgent and friendly beings in the Noobiverse. However, on brief days when Planet Choob scheeming portals open during a near pass of Planet Noob, due to interplanetary geo-negative-impulses, the Choobs can beam corrosive thoughts into a Noob's T-Vision Pelmet, making them feel a little Noobgly, and they get a bad tummy and have to have a day off Noob School to recover. "Oo! My hair doesn't seem radiant and wavy today, I feel a little Noobgly!"
Noob Gold: Not treasure jewels or gold as some covetous humanoids might see it, but usefull objects, tools, planks, and anything interesting that appears to have a friendly face and talks. Example of items in Spooksprings bank: leaves, planks, flowers, bronze, burnt fish, cod, cats.

Noob Grass: On the only day of the week, every Quarternary, Noobs like to make as one with the Noob Moos and get low down and hopefully not too dirty and emulate the ruminantary habits of it's sacred favoured animul, by getting a belly bowl full of superluxuriant grass, and anything that might be lurking in it. Similar to Noob Sausage eating day, except no meat is invloved. May invoke bovine tendencies.

Some Noobs After Noob Grass Day

Noob Guild:The meeting place, and birth of all Noob ideas, planning centre for all wars upon Choobs, and the recruitment and initiation centre for all Nooblets, upon study of their Noobology.

Noobhacker: ahem, when a Noob engages, surreptitiously in the art of computer hacking, it is only done in dire circumstances, when a Noobs life is at risk. A typical example would be when a Nooblet has nothing but a cat and a dress and is being harasses by a Level 100 dragoon. So we break into his account and rearrange his bank, and leave some tools, a pile of gold and food and bronze armour! Alternatively, a Noobhacker is a choobie douche who hacks into a Noobs account and steals all his worldly goods, and leaves the Noob standing in a wad of treacle in level 50 wildy. These types of hacker will be Noob Logged if caught in the act.

Noob-head: A Noob hangover, from overzealous Noobing and drinking strong beverages
Noobian: An inhabitant of Planet Noob!
Noobie: (adj, n, v, prn) To be imbued with the spirit of Noob, which is witty, different, courageous, loyal and intelligent, but appearing in appearance to be a magick bag of walking leaves, or a sailor without a ship, or a hopping loon. It's like having a pound of sherbet funnelled into your mouth. You think it's flour, but weeee! your head blows up when you taste it.

Noobieclock: The Noobie clock is in evolutionary advancement of humanoid horology by infinity. Devoid of mechanical elements, or any planetary time synchopation, the Noobie clock displays the age, spirit, health, wealth, and star date of anyone who touches it's interactive teleNoobic display. Thus the 'time space' for each living Noob is different according to their upbringing, birth date, mind set, and primal induced spirits within them. Thus, encompassing all time, no time, present, future and past elements and spirits, this clock is not to be used by those wanting to catch the early morning school bus on time.

Noobiefied:After seeing a Noobsnake pass, or being in an intelligent Noobs presence for half an hour, the opposition is said to be Noobified, stunned and speechless!
Noobie Doobie Do!: This is our greeting and departure word! Only a true Noob brother will great you like this!

Noobie Nookie: Examining this sensetive subject from a non-partisan, subjective, and inexperienced point of view, may glean some light on the strange method of Noob multiplication. But due to Spooksprings highly defined methods of self censorship, no details can be divulged as to the methods, techniques and rituals of Noobie nookie or bedroom sports. You could probably find out a small sample of info on a Wiki (sounds sinister). I can reveal that Noobs procreate using cloning, seeping in Noob Juice, propagation using vegetable and bronze methods, direbroasexualpartisanation and double team cloaking in caves, mountain tops and underwater seaships. Whatever Noobie nookie might seem to you to be, it is that and 10 times better. It is said that a Noob oozes orgasmic energy so proliferously, that Nooblets follow him round and collect it in large vats for propagation of highly athletic giraffes for use in the sniff a sock giraffe Olympics.

Noobienuts: The nuts of a Noob. Whether growing on a tree or between the legs, they are huge, fertile and full of nutriment, and will give you a gonk if they fall on your head.
Noobie-sing:To sing drunken tales of Noob conquests, and wake up the next day with a Noob-head.
Noobish: Anything done in a Noob stylee, whether selling cabbages in Varrock, or collecting ashes for high lvl players...or just going into the wildy in full rune, and loosing the lot to a goblin.
Noobism: The new world order!
Noobist: A naked Noob, ergo, one who has lost his full bronze armour.
Noob-kamikaze: wearing full bronze, you must fight to the death, no retreat! we are brave!
Noobiverse: The all encompassing epherpheasent, unending verse of Uni, which co-incidentally all fits inside Spooksprings's head. What a big head that must be. Full of amazing Planets and spontaneous creatures, dimensions and happenings, it is too believable to have been invented by a man, so nonethless it exists to be unbelievable.
Noob jouralist: Not a reporter of reports, or news as we know it, but news of the muse from the minds on the pues. "I am a journalist of 'notnews is the newNoobnews'".

Noobjuice: The all powerfull, all curing, inflammable, petrol-but-cheaper-than-petrol-substitute, tasty, multi flavoured Noob Juice is the just juice for all Noobs and Nooblets. Not content when visiting Urth of the poisonous content of brand name soft drinks, and with nothing to drink on Planet Noob, the Noobs invented a secreter than secret magic juice that appeals to even the taste buds of Choob-nivours. The recipe isn't written down, or is it stored in a Noobs head. The Noob Juice Monster-Machine-Spirit is the origin of this Godly juice. Each can produced has a slightly different taste, you never know the result of it's power on your taste buds. Could be juicy, fruity, salty, sour, sweet, fiery, spazzle, mEEP!, Tang or even tree. This is all due to the nanobot mechanichary contained within the juice that detects your mood, social position and bank account details from the DNA mucus lining your tounge, and corresponds directly by manifesting a suitable taste for your pallette, and bodily reaction for your body. Also a fuel for Noob Transport, a cleansing material and useage in molecular reconstruction. Drunk in quantities before a game of Noob-ball.

A Typical Mouthwatering Noob Juice Advert

Nooblad/lass: After graduating from the age of being a groomed Nooblet, our peers become Nooblads, to define their station in society, their expected behaviour and the general sense of patronage that we the Noob Gods and Noob kings can bestow upon them to fufill the need of feeling responsible for our young brethren in our multisocial compassionate ruling.

Nooblardout: As is widely known among celebrity chefs and out of print cookbooks, Noobs have a fantastic range of healthy foods that they may eat. And indeed they do in sparse quantities. It is said that a Noobs go for Noobeons on just NoobJuice, mintle leafs and early morning growls. But during the Nooblard festival, once every Quintescence, after the eclipse of the spectrum star, Noobs lard out, and eat the entire contents of their frooges, froozors and larders, and the surrounding buildings trees and anything else that may get in their way. It is said this mass psycho-socio-activity is so unusual in the characteristics of Noob, it must be due to the divine influence of the spectrum eclipse (unproven theory).

Nooble:All top Noobs are Nooble in their deeds and will protect Noob squaddies and collect them if they are lost in the wildy. Noobles: The food of a Noob, this is cabbages, shrimps, bread,
beer and redberry pie mmmm!
Nooblets: Our cherished Noob children, will rule for many years after us!

Nooblecticity: Planet Noob has fully embrassed recyclable energy production to the EXTREME, by employing several billion jellyhamsters and unamed furry critters, deep in the Bronze Mine Caverns to power electroNoobetic dynamo wheels that operate the Noobecular Poop Station, which produces Nooblecticity on a wavering, infrequent, peripitetcic and unreliable basis. Inside the Noobecular Poop Station's centrifugal reactor, unamed molecular protein gases and Cow farts are injected into a giant matrix of Noob Nano Bots, who hug the molecules so tightly, their electrons fall off, which are then positivised by double negative musical beats, which turns them into ++ selectrons, which are collected in a small cup, to be poured into the Trans Juice Transformer to provide Nooblecticity in the central city ONLY (Plus Noobs carrying Nano-Noob Pods). "Oh my! The Nooputer's gone off again!" ; "You'd better go and breed some hamsters for the Nooblecticity city."

The Trans Juice Transformer
Part Of The Noobecular Poop Station

Noob logger: When a choob hacks into a Noobs bank account, a Noob log is made of that activity, and info is passed to the Nooblogger Command Centre, thence a Noob Logger is despatched through the airwaves to the hacker's computer, which materialises as a General Noob in full battle bronze, in his house, and conks the hacker over the head, with the giant log he just made online.

Noobliphant: A huge bronze coloured six legged monstrosity, with trunks, spines, wings, and anything else you would expect on a fantastical animal. This flame breathing pachyderm is a friend of Noobs, and will let you ride on their back for under a pound. A general beast of war, but in times of peace, a friend and giver of wisdom and cuddles.

Nooblong: A year on Planet Noob. usually, corresponding to one Urth year, but could stretch up to 400 Urth Years if the magnetic influence of Planet Irony is crossing orbits. When released from this hold, a Nooblong may diminish to several seconds, thus named a peri-didactic Noobshort.

Nooblube: The smoothest lubricant known to Noob. Made from the seeping temple juice of a floating Quork and 15M psi Noob Nanobot clones. So viscous is it, that it would ensure a smooth gap be maintained between the gravel desert of Planet Fleshtrout and a Froob's tounge, in a drag a Froob To Work Day By Their Tongues compulsory weekly work-sport. It currently costs 6 billion gold coins and 20 Noob Eons to produce an ounce of this prized silky smooth stuff, since the Quorks only brain-perspire once every eclipse of the Spectrum Star (at the centre of the Noobiverse), plans are a foot to emulate this darkness maybe by putting Quorks in a box. But when commercially produced, it is said the wheel will have to be disinvented, as everything will be pushed along the ground by simply squirting a puddle in front of the building/car/heavy boulder/large bear you are attempting to move. NOT to be confused with Choob Lube, which is a product used by Choobs in connection with bedroom sports.

Noobmail: A packet of thoughts, transferred through the Noobsphere from one Noob to the other through the power of Noobtelepathy or messenger worm. The generally accepted process of Noob communication.
Noobmass: A gathering of Noobs for conducting a vast manical outpouring of spirit lifting singing, dancing and displays of fertility, or the festival of Noobmass, coinciding, coincidentally with the Urth bound festivity, Xmas, where Noobs celebrate their successful year in imbuing the other races with spunk and having a steam letting riot.

Noob Mimic: Co-evolution has produced some spamtastic Noob mimics, such as bee dragon, to be a bee dragon is to to be believed by bees. Gains entry to a bee nest despite its large size for free combing. Ever seen a flame grilled bee hive? You have bee dragons.

Also a sheep shark, that goes to exclusive beaches to frighten away the sunbathers, so his cousins the real sheep can have a proper day out away from the sharp grass.

Whale-floppy disk, that spies on your computer and then telephones it's whale friends in the sea about any anti-whale based activities you may be harbouring, (this may be a biolectrical product manufactured by Greenpiece).

Towel-cat, evolved due to a breakdown in cat-man interaction in the post cat apocalypse, where cats need of being stroked to lower their blood pressure became so great, they became towel mimics. Every morning, you think you hear your towel purring? You have a Towel-cat.

Lion-loudspeaker, lions in the wild became so depressed about not being ablke to be heard by the people they wished to growel and roar at, to show how cool they were at growling and roaring, they evolved into lion-loudspeakers, that today populate every home that has been forced into buying a musical box.

Hamster-chips, when hamsters accidentally gained entry to a Noob in a Planet Noob Watching the Centre of the Planet Noob Confereance, it found a suitable home underneath the liver, where it could get free nutriments just by attatching a small straw. Since he was in a body of someone who was a chip fat fanatic, the hamster evolved all the characteristics of chips, and bred extensively it's chip mimic babies, which get into your body to make a home near the liver just be eating them.

Mole-mole, you may think those moles on your body are moles, no, they are mole-moles, which are moles mimicing moles that are also moles that work for the FBI-CIA-MI6 and also the anti-mole-terrorizer group that terrorizes normal moles because their Urth displacment activities are a threat to the lawns of the Urth King's giant white palace. The mole-moles have sensors to detect underground movement in your lawn, a message is sent to the army, and they come round your house in a plane and drop bombs on the normal moles. And you wake up and think, hmm, how did these craters get here? Have I got anti-moles? Yes you have mole-moles.

Noobmobile: A technologically advanced method of transport for Noobs on Planet Urth, made from several tons of bronze, and dragon tar tyres, this Noobjuice powered vehicle can travel at 999 kph through any terrain, with a guttural growl that would make any Harley Davidson sound like a mosquito. The spirit of the Noob wheels. Mostly used when a Noob in a dress is seen to be in distress. Can fit 999 Noobs inside it.

The Noobmobile at Mach 90

Noob Money: Not cash, gold coins or any precious medals. These pecuniary devices are always easily forged, stolen or embezzeled in secret island caves ruled by Choob Dragons. So the Noob Economy consists of items that are precious to a Noob's heart, such as interesting things I found on the beach, 13th century groats, funny shaped wood, shells, shells of shells, vegitation, novelty plastic items etc. Carrying these items around is a great chore, so the items are stored in a basement or outhouse, and the pictures of which are scanned into a Noobputer, and credits are transfered on to a Noob Gold card, based on the interestingness magick scale of the object.

Noobmuuuahhhahaa: The manic laugh that your megalomaniac leader (who she?) lets out when an ingeNooble idea is discovered!
Noobology: Read this web site? Studied Noobism? Completed the NoobQuest? Been in a Noob Snake? Chances are, you're entitled to a Noobology Diploma, from Noob College.

Noob-on-top: In their daily doodlings in the realm of men and non-Noobs, Noobs like to be on top. Whether on a bus going to Noob School, up a tall mountain, on the back of the latest rabid scientific philosophotic quantum theory, in a field with 60 rabid grizzlies or piggy backing on the back of a Choob, Noobs prefer being on top. They know they deserve to be on top, they are quite self aware in a benign shy way of their divine superiority in the hierarchy of the Noobiverse. Which is why manhandlers are always on the look out for ways to Noob-not-on-top them.

Noobs-not-on-top: When a Noob is NOT on top (see Noob-On-Top) woe betide to the world, his family, pets and attractive chinamen ornaments. A Noob-not-on-top is a CAGED LION-UNICORN, the supression and repression of his divine and Nooble powers is akin to sealing a hive of bees for cruel and sadistic pleasure. Noobs know what they were created for, self aware of their magnanimity in an indifferent and detatched disk format, and their inborn mission to populate the Urth with their witiscisms, and then take a running leap of faith into the next Noob-generation universe, funded by the good works it is rememberised for, is something that Noob-not-on-top protagonists should consider when trying to trip Noobs up with irrelevant Urth based questions, such as, "Ha ha! look at him, he's wearing a kilt, why?!"

Noobpants: Frequently worn on the exterior of Bronze Armour, due to it's cooling properties, thanks to it's large surface ratio, associated with the central heating of Noob armour, helping to diffuse heat from a Noob's nuts. Not in any way a device for humiliating Noobs in public. The Y symbol on the front of a Noobpant is for protectionism from X and Z, who seek to made unintelligent words in a Noob's tadpole factory.

Noobplop: The sound a Noob makes when plopping. "I'm going to do a plop! It's going to be the best plop ever! My mater will be plopified when she hears of my ploppy plopping!"

Noobprism: A didodecahedratriaguladong, made from the finest compressed spectral starlight, which fell to Planet Noob in year No. A unique property of this crystal is it's ability to diffuse the spectral light from the Spectrum Star into it's individualstic diffrentiated wavelengths, some of which are, truth light, tickle blast, power healer, hair straightner, un-uglifier, creator, cleanifier, wisdomifier with 100's more to be made up, I mean discovered. Also sprinkled on Noobflakes. Highly Non-Explosive. Thought to be origin of Noob Juice. Has the opposite effect of Kryptonite, and so must be kept away from Super Noob, incase it gives him normal super powers. Not to be confused with Noob Prison.

Nooprism at Work

Noob Prison: Thanks to the natural laughing gas (Notorious Oxide) abounding in the atmosphere of Planet Noob, the only floating prison on Planet Noob is completely empty, apart from on occupant, Spooksprings, who is the governator of the jail, and comes in once a month to see that things are running smoothly, all non-prisoners are getting their daily dose of Noobtorture, breakfast of hot gravel and 20 hour shifts down the bronze mines.

It is believed the Noob prison was built by King Vaseline the Forgth in the brief period of capatalogical engorement, following a prolonged spectrum eclipse when Noobs ruled the Noobiverse with an iron grip of steel, squeezing money minerals and wealth from all and sundry, before nappies were invented. It is then when thought that that is when the Great Noob Scgrism occured when over a cup of solid gold tea in a squalid diamond house, a pre-Noob deicided it was time to mine out the insides of the pre-planet Noob of bronze to fund his new habit of Noobliphant popping (popping Noobliphants with a pin).

At that moment a shard of spectrum light entered the diamond house, which had an affect of Noobalising the Noob's brain, who's name was Spooksprings the Forst, and he said, "Well sir, I am not inconsiderabaly incontinented by your vastidular display of ignominious capitalorgment, and I shall have to ask thee and thy companionmen to vacate this Planet himmediately!" ; "You what mate?", came the reply, after which the pre-Noob not never to be a Noob was arrested by the New Noob who used to be pre-Noob, And after he touched some of the other pre-Noobs, they also became Noobelated, and they both saw the terror of the ways of their Choobiness, and locked up half the planet in the Noob Prison, and then threw them off (literally) to go and live on Planet Choob, and the good Noobs stayed on Planet Noob. (The pre-Noob Choobs were immune to the Noob-touch of Spooksprings, either that or they didn't want to be touched).

Noobputer: Steam gas powerered modern day computer of Noobs, made of revamped Victorian haberdashery based of the Greek ArchiNoobes designs. You may point and laugh heartily at a Noob's 'puter, but it is a very modern approach to interNoobnet security, powering and safety.

There are nanobots guarding the ONE port of info in, and because it runs at 2kps, they have time check all passes and do NoobRays on nanotrucks that may contain miniature nanosauruses that might eat the puter. The gears, leavages and anolog technology ensures that if the 'puter ever goes wrong it is easy fixed by Uncle Pete who lives in the shed with his collection of beards and valves. Because it is powered by steam gas, and the wires are made of living miniature branches of nano trees, it does not readiate Nooberons that might harm a Nooblet. It is programmed using Noobasic(+0+). Also it is not portable, so no Choob can steal it unless they come in your Noob Pod with a fork lift (surely a 'puter lift?).

It is also got a interNoobscape operator for to connect you to interNoob sites so you don't get pirate invaders from the 15th century sending Noobmail to you asking to buy a pot of magic seahorses that only need sea to activate, and you like, buy one, and because there is no sea or water or sea water on Planet Noob you say, way go chiz, I wish I had a Noobputer like my poor backward Noob friend.

Nooputer, 'puting.

Uncle Pete, Valve Expert.

Noobreign: Water does not fall from the trotosphere on Planet Noob, it instead rains with reign, wherby mecuorioric packets of majesty fall from the sky in great quantity, ensuring a tightly reigned raining Kingdom of reignness.

Noobscape: The virtual world in which Noobs display their courage, ingeNoobity and bronze armour, and meet fellow Noobs for intelligent discussions on time travel, speciesisms, flembolics. The spirit of the Noob passes into this virtual world, helping to influence the surroundings for good. Also a metaphorical plane of high intelligence or parallel world, where Noobs dwell in contemplative astral reflection, solving problems, puzzles and thinking of funny jokes.

Noob Skin: Why is a skin of a Noob so smooth to the touch, and can make a grown man go ahh! Because they use Windowlene. It is good being a smooth skin Noob, rather than have the skin of a Noob Nile Crocodile, because you can get free sweets from your mater or pater for looking vulnerable.

Noob-Snake: All Noob squad members follow each other other in wilderness, to form a great snake beast that non can escape! except maybe a tortoise on roller skates. The theory behind the formation is to fool player killers into thinking there is only one of you. But then, when they come up to you, we fan out into the Noob Peacock, and bite him with our proverbial Peacock Fangs, for attempting to kill a lesser level defencless Noobie. The snake that devours bad deeds, who is also a part time peacock.

Noobs On A Train: When a kabootie of Noobs invades a train after a day out in the zoo, their exploits can become raucous and unpredictable, due to their excitment at having been let out for the day, when they are usually getting on with brain work. When the tickle inspecktor is not present they can be seen writing in window mist, demonstrating their large vocal range of animal impressions, pretending to be tickle inspecktors, and embarrassing vulnerable train virgins. When confronted with the tickle inspector, especially a German one, they become rigid, sheepish and often get off at the next stop. All emergency exit points must be kept in mind, incase a Noob let's one off.

Noobsquad: The name encompasses an army, a movement, a band, the spirit of the age, and the general gathering of Noobs on Planet Urth or Planet Noob. Highlights of their activities include spontaneity and randomness, ingenuity, and breaths of fresh air. They penetrate to the heart of any problems or conundrums, with a forceful insight, that would cut out the deepest tumour in flesh or society. Wherever they go, there is sure to be general hilarity, tears, riots and unexplained phenomena. Stuff just 'happens' k!

Noob Squaddie!: New Noobs are Noob squaddies, march to the rhythm of the Noob Snake!
Noobtastic: everything a Noob does is fantastic, whether dieing or falling in volcanoes.
Noobtax: When on a host planet we pay taxes to the King, Queen or Quing. But on Planet Noob we pay taxes to ourselves, because every Noob is a King to his hearts desires, and knows how to put money to good use. Also small nails (tax) that are used to hold spaceships together.
Noobtelepathy (TeleNoobathy): this is how a Noob communicates, through the cosmic airwaves to one another, or to control a Noob in distress, an animal in flight, or an army in war. Ingenious evolutionary characteristic of a simple peoples, who although appearing physically weak, have minds the size of giant warty melons!

Noob-Thor-Allah:Our great and Nooble Noob God Noob-Thor-Allah, blessed be his Nooblets, whom we summon our courage from. He's a bit like Thor, 'cept hes in bronze armour, with HORNS! Not to be confused with any similar sounding Urth based deieties, although Noob-God-Thor-Allah is often confused about himself. He is a six part monosynthetic diety that is worshipped by Noobs when they are not aware of it. The main branches of his altered spiritual states are God Of Sausages, The Noob Nile Crocodile, God Of Green Stuff, The Brain In Space, Beast Of The Noobopolypse and Lord Rusty Thundernuts. Everytime you eat food, tinker with your Noob Mobile or utter the guttural growl of the Noob War Cry, or do the washing up, you're serruptisiously, invoking the power of these Gods to do their bidding through your soles.

Noob God Thor On
A Visit To Urth.

Noobtinian: A scholar from Noob School/College, who has completed his Noobology and is ready to face the perilously friendly Planet Noob with all it's dangers, suitably qualified to be interesting, charming and friendly, if not rich.
Noobtitilation: To titillate the the Noob squad with hilarious Noobalities and Noobisms.
Noobtittytascious: To titillate in a Noobish way. "It tickles my titillation buds, it's...Noobtittytascious!", said Gertrude after being given a scrubbed down with a cabbage.
Noobtitilicious: Mouth watering, drool inducing, froth at the mouth activities, in thought, deed and word.
Noobtralians: Loud, beer spilling hopping desert dwellers, and that's just the sheep. Kind hearted, down to Urth adventurers, in touch with the digeridoodarness of the Noobiverse. very good at finger painting.
Noobtube: Underground, overground mode of prefered tranporNoobnation that travels on a thin sliver of Noob Lube, instigated by a sharp shove from the Station Blaster Master. A free ride, and you've already paid.

Noob TV: Televisual transmissions reach a Noob in the Noob Visor Pelmet of his helmet by means of eclectic-franetic mind waves transjuiced by Noobtelepathy from the Emperor's video core-text. With the help of the 900 Nano Noob linings of the pelmet, all uneccescary thoughts are filtered out, providing cheap, humourous viewing, not interupted by adverts, soaps and shake over programs. The thoughts are turned into visuals using a layer of Noobprism.

Artists Impression Of How Noob TV May Look Through A Noob Visor Pelmet Helmet

Noobups: Give it up, give a cheer, Noob promotion.
Noob water: Extremely rare molecular element combine that does not occur in a Noob's blood, but is made from ice, produced in the diffusion of specrtal light using the Noobprism. See also Noob Rain.

Noob Weapons: People often come up to me in the street, and ask (before they contemplate, maybe, beating me up?) 'what weapons has a Noob got, like, man, eh, huh?'. I have to tell them, honestly, that they have none. Much to my suprise I am usually pounced upon at this point, which is when the secret Powers of a Great Super Noob are revealed to the opressing pugelist. They are, a BRAIN which can think cleverer thoughts than all the philosiphizers in the Noobiverse put together. A MOUTH to speak REALLY big words, like soufleromultifistaflumication and make unwordly sounds. EARS to hear silent and subtle sounds and colours. HANDS that make magick and animals and enginemachinemonsters appear out of thin air. CABBAGE lazor beam that is inter fused into the heart that can shoot vegetable powered lazer beams of love. A BELLY BUTTON, that when pressed, operates all these cool weapons. FEET that can kick your butt. And, erm, that thing there, between his legs (rhymes with giant coconuts).

The Power, Feel The Power!

Noob Windows Of Hiphopportunity: Noob windows are very infrequent and short lived. They only appear in a Jublee solar spectrum e-clips following a Quartenary Noobshort Nooblong. At this time the Nooblardout festival begins, sending everyone into a sky-so-phrenetic Noobfrenzy of ultimate disproportions, causing Noobplosive Noobalism in every Noob's core-texts, producing some of the finest music, art and technoNoobspirations that would never be produced in a Noob long.
Noobwipeout: When a Noob wipes off with a towel.
Noobxting: The knee shaking excitement you feel when you know there is an exciting Noobsquad adventure imminent!

Noobzlaphonium: A magic musical device conjured from the spirits of dead Noob musicians who died before their full potential was realised, and their music stolen by some great big music sucking vacuum machine in Central Lounge (Planet Choob). Usually manifested at HellNooberween, as the Noobs love the scary sounds it makes at that time.

Sign Of The North-South/South-North Cross: Argh! It's a sign! What sort of sign? Well it's not a cross for a start, but it's extremely ancient. So ancient I cannot give any details, I am under 16 duh! Well actually all I can say it is the sign that you see that does not actually stand anywhere, it just appears in front of your eyes, if not your eyes then maybe in a braille magazine. If you are reading this and you are blind, I can give braille here: .:.:::.:.:.::.:::. It appear when you are crossing from North to South, or South to North, depending on whether you are South or North. That's it basically, you don't have to sacrifice anything under it, but if you ignore it you will be silly, because you might keep going North or South, and not be prepared for it. Unless you WANT to go that way that's fine. Don't touch it though, because it's invisible. Should be called the Don't Cross really, but hey I'm only saying!

The North-South
Cross Don't Cross

You may add to this ExictingNoobapedia by telephoning
Spooksprings on spooksprung@btinternet.com at only $1 per minute.

All literature and imagery (including Photographs) made by
Spooksprings J.M.B. For Planet Noobsquad Inc © 2003-6. Photoshop, Digital Camera, 3DFA.