All aboard the Jolly Noob Roger Ship, for high humour adventures upon the even higher seas of mercury on Planet Noob! It has been reported the pirating rune-choob race are swarming on the seas, stealing our poor little Nooblets and making them work in the dreaded black rock mines for no more than a cabbage a day! We the brave Boys In Bronze shall rescue them all from uncertain Noobilisation, and make millions from bronze into the bargin! All hands on my deck!
We shall be exporting bronze bullion to the natives of Karamaja, at inflated prices, in exchange for rune spears and gold, that the natives use as toothpicks. In our hold, we hold, cabbages, pickled rats, and Redrum Frank, who wanted a franchise to export golf to the natives and make a hole in one. The Noob Cannon may come in handy against Giant Bronze Sea Winkles.
But uh oh! Who was steering?! The Jolly Noob Roger Ship seems to have suffered a temporary setback, by hitting some Giant Noob Winkles on the mercury bed. Never mind! There are plenty more ships where they came from! And plenty more Noobs too! If you think you can steer the Jolly Noob Roger Ship better than Dark Life 16, please apply to Admiral Of The High Seas, Major Noob Spooksprings via a message in a bottle, with your experience of privateering from pirates for Jolly Noob King George. You will be handsomely paid, in bronze clad kittens, and as many salty biscuits as you can chew on! Experience of swimming not essential, but ability to tell noobport from nooblard essential. Bring your own plank.
Music, Text, Html By Spooksprings J.M.B. For Planet NoobSquad Inc 2003. Images Adapted from Jagex RPG Runescape and Free ware.